Here's some of my favorites:
You could only hide for seven books?! Amateur...
Dear Winnie the Pooh,
We have the same middle name!
Sincerely, John the Baptist.
Please stop making movies behind my back
Dear Mr. Right,
Why does she only want you?
Sincerely, Mr. Left.
Does the fact that all of the Cullens know when you're on your period bother you?
Sincerely, that's creepy.
Dear teen novel writers,
Please realize that there are more mythical creatures than just vampires an werewolves.
Sincerely, we elves, dwarves, chimaera, unicorns, and manticores need attention, too.
Dear shampoo companies,
Why do you only make kids shampoo tear free?
Sincerely, adults with shampoo in there eyes.
Dear inventor of tampons,
How awkward was it to explain your invention?
Sincerely, curious girl.
Dear seat belt,
Thanks, but I was just sneezing.
Sincerely, no need to strangle me.
Please make one of your recordable cards that looks like a howler.
Sincerely, Harry Potter fans.
Dear everyone who calls people "pussies" when they're being "weak",
Vaginas are capable of pushing 8+ pound objects out of them, while penises can be injured by pretty much anything.
Sincerely, I think you have it backwards.
Please stop biting me in awkward places.
Sincerely, scratching my boob...
Dear bad parent,
When your child asks for water and you say, "no, sweet tea or chocolate milk," I reaffirm my belief that God should make people apply to give birth.
Sincerely, a childless server with better parenting skills than you.
Dear random stranger,
The look on your face when I drank blue Gatorade from a bottle of Windex was priceless.
Sincerely, entertaining myself.
Dear J.K. Rowling,
Your books are entirely unrealistic. I mean, a ginger kid with two friends?
You produced Miley Cyrus. Bieber is your punishment.
Dear person reading this,
You're here because you're actively procrastinating or avoiding real work, aren't you? It's OK...me too.
Sincerely, I'll work tomorrow.